I’ve taken several breaks in writing this narrative. The main reason has been that I want to keep the same tone, and have paused because I was not sure that I could. I’m definitely far enough away, time-wise, from my earlier jobs to write about them objectively and keep a balance between the good things and the bad things that happened. But I’m still not sure that I’m ready to do that for my last job at Dun & Bradstreet, after the acquisition in 2017.
I still have some open wounds from the OneSource/Avention time, like seeing my good friend stabbed in the back, not being promoted and not knowing what to do about that (they gave me fine raises anyway!), and seeing dysfunction all around me and deciding I’d just live with it. But my time at D&B will be even tougher to be objective about because some fucked up shit happened. But part of my appreciating my job was realizing that I didn’t really care. Did it matter to me at the end of the day if my input was not needed? I had a secure and comfortable place, interesting work, enough friendly interactions with colleagues to keep me happy, good pay, and good vacation and commute times. And I was getting older. Perhaps that was good enough and I could just laugh at what I felt was dysfunction instead of speaking up about it.
I used to be afraid that bad management decisions were going to ruin my company and I’d be out of a job, now I just felt a slight amusement. And I started to count the days until retirement, which made me realize that I was suddenly older than everyone I worked with. How did that happen?
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